It's Friday. Sex?
Is it weird i consider You Sexy Thing our song?
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
He's having sex with his gf again. Every thump of his bed against the wall is insulting to our one night stand.
I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
I just need to stop hanging out with girls who drink wine coolers.
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
I had sex with two guys in one day. One on my grandma's couch, one on a golf course. This is the greatest post-surgery accomplishment I could ask for.
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
he just got here with a handle of tequila and box of condoms. looks like i'll be spending the weekend in bed
Do NOT. I repeat. DO NOT call me little one after we have fucked. In no world is that ok. Even jesus agrees.
She was gone when I unblacked out, but she had nailed her panties to the wall and wrote “Colleen’s Dick”with a sharpie on the wall. No idea where she got a hammer and nail
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