The greatest thing of my life happened today. I took a shit and it formed a smiley face. It's going to be a fucking fantastic day.
Come 10 years my vagina won't look like this. I must cherish it
Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
I envy you so much. I get girls who pee on my floor and you get girls who leave in the middle of the night
It was worse than when we pepper-sprayed my dick. I feel mislead.
Picking up hoes with my dad is going to make it a little harder, but ay, if thats how he wants to bond after 23 years, Ill give it a shot
He sent me a 7 minute voicemail of him playing wonderwall on the acoustic guitar I'm not even kidding did he seriously think that would work
Yes, I have your ice luge mold. I'll do a prisoner exchange for the beer bong
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
I can no longer play with you. I puked on my feet in the shower. I'm too old for this.
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
I think it may be easier if I stay drunk/high til the wedding. You game?
I watched one of the videos of you hanging from the rafters, and it is both violent and sexual in nature.
Randomize