Does having sex in the men's bathroom on the boardwalk count as having sex on the beach?
What wine goes with Cap'n Crunch?
i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
I took an adderall. This is weird. My eyes are really wide open and I am really good at staring. I've written on 9 peoples walls and updated my status. I am getting shit DONE!
THAT IS NOT SOMETHING YOU TELL SOMEBODY THE FIRST TIME YOU MEET THEM IN THE DARK.
According to the red cross, I'm not suppose to do anything strenuous for the next 24 hours. That means you're on top.
I've slept in a different bed every day this week. Operation Ho Ho Ho is a success!
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
AND HOLY SHIT FLUBBER IS ON NETFLIX
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
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