I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
Found a pint glass in my snow pants.
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
what kind of wine goes with anal sex and shame?
we've been together for three years, and i still get excited when i know i'm going to give him a blow job. it's that kind of love
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
Ryab! Make hr wtop. Mshe make sme speee. I don want to pee. I want sev. He was so igbad. Redpo.
Well it involved jumping two nine foot fences. But when you mix alcohol and persistence you can't lose.
You know how I know she's ugly? 97% of her profile pics are flowers or animals. And what do we know about pretty people and the Internet?
I'd say it's his fault for never running us through proper protocol for "catching your RA in the middle of him banging some girl"
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
Long story short wrist restraints, Apple Watch and cumming all don’t mix
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