That girl really should ne nicer to her vagina. It's not a playground.
Apparently hers is a theme park.
Getting up at 8 this morning to drink could be the best and the worst idea we've ever had
I sold my books for weed money!
Finals don't start for a week...
the maid of honor just got in a fight with the mother of the bride at a gas station across the street. best. wedding. ever.
I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years.
he just sent me a pic of him naked with a bucket of margarita mix hanging off his dick
She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
So I cleaned out my gym bag. Found half a bottle of malibu.
You know, I could pretend I'm shocked but what's the use?
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
Oh wow. Was walking and just saw her in the pool, fully clothed, ranting on an alligator float. I guess i should go get her before security gets here.
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
hoooly shit dude in taco costume challenged alpha douche to a fight. he's got catch phrases. come. now.
Just got smoked out by my boss. Working in politics is great.
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
Yeah I don't remember how I got home last night
Judging from my pants, I embarrassed myself smh
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