Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
The Rock is playing the tooth fairy. I can't believe I used to smell what that man was cooking
i spelled "betch" that way on purpose, don't question my abilities as a drunk texter
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
he just kept saying "come on iron man, you can do this!" to himself the whole time..
do to the flooding of the park, there will be a midnight bikini mud wrestling party behind my dorm. all are welcome.
After 2 hrs of driving around looking for him, we just found him sleeping in the bed of my truck with the cover closed, cuddling with the spare tire.
She's gone now. Left with the wind like a majestic leaf that just rides the invisible current to locations unknown. And dude, her friends were really hot.
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
I made a bet with her that she would show me her tits if I finished my beer. Only on spring break.
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
And then he said "if you were planning on bird feeding me that's not ok"
I was unconscious Saturday for like 6 hours after I passed out on the sidewalks of our nation's capital. Thank you America, for bottomless brunch.
Oh lord. I have no recollection. I just got up. Surveying the damage. Found phone with messages out by pool. Still have not located my top or determined when i stopped wearing it
i realized my signature handshake has now become a hookup. i love what college has done to me.
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