I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.
I'm really starting to miss his dick. Like so much I'm actually tempted to try and work things out with him again.
You were shirtless with a cowboy hat in 15 degree weather then u shotgunned a can of mixed vegetable Progresso soup
HE'S turngign 18teen real soon.k
Remind me to tell you a really funny story about me and arson.
I feel like my nipples were chewed on by alligators.
I just closed two deals on my laptop from my bathroom while smoking a bowl, like a bawssss. Working from home is my favorite.
I think we need to stage an Intervention. Her Instagram is a call for help.
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
Puke-y regrets or just things-seem-far-away regrets?
Currently watching high school football on ESPN. Drink every time they say 'this kid's got potential' or 'look at this kid go' or 'atta kid' We're done for..
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
Thus began an intricate shell game of nude cardigan photos
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
Randomize
