I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
You know those ponds where you go and pay $5 and your guarranteed to catch a fish thats how i describe her
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
My dads not up on pop culture but he's not dumb enough to believe your 2 girls 1 cup reference at dinner was from the bible.
I DONT UNDERSTAND NIPPLES. THEY JUST POP OUT FOR NO REASON
Well somebody's had a rough day, nipple-wise
Someone with the Instagram name "hymenbreaker" just liked a photo of me and my grandma. I feel ashamed.
I woke up at 4am on the floor covered in olive oil and fire extinguisher powder but all I wanted to know was where the rest of my booze was at.
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
The best part of Easter was watching all his colorblind cousins try to find the eggs.
I'm filtering his penis picture so I can see it better
A penis isn't a time share. I want to own not rent.
Do you own a cuff key and know where Karen lives?
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
Randomize
