She had hickeys... what's up with that?? HAHAHA
i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
I mean he's a cool ass guy, but he's genuinely in love with a fat chick. I just can't take him seriously as a person.
Its not christmas eve unless I give him head. I wont take no for an answer
I think the pivotal moment was when we used the see and say as a drinking game with shots of whiskey. It was all downhill after that.
Like it was the Mama Mia of shit shows. That bad.
We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.
Apparently I'm ahead in the foot race to his dick because I'm not insane. If I'd have known that's all it took, I'd have worn sweat pants more often.
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
"I feel morally obligated to vote for him since he's my drug dealers dad"
Oh my god I'm in a public bathroom with a space heater. I never want to leave
My skirt was too short for the church and I brought my flask to the Scrooge play. God bless us, everyone!
She actually made an event on facebook for tomorrow when she does a pregnancy test, 8 people are attenting so far
andy told me i got kicked out of the bar and was so drunk i forgot and got back in line. the bouncer was zero impressed
My mom just used the chap stick I used right after giving him a blow job. I am a horrible daughter :(
Randomize
