life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
how do you have sooo much energy?
billy mays threw in a lil somethin extra when i ordered some oxiclean last week
I accidentally asked my mom for a blowjob because 'mom' and 'molly' are next to each other in my address book.
Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
I just saw a girl in Albersons in spandex and curlers buying PBR. Only PBR.
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
im really going to miss that car, so many blow jobs...
I'm giving great sideboob & it's being wasted on my parents.
Soo I woke up in the storage room at best western....I dont even know what say
I respect your roll as DD and there're am required to respect your vehicle
I'm resourceful. I forgot we don't have coca cola so now I'm drinking Jack & Dew or Mountain Daniels. Also, I haven't decided on an official name yet for this drink. I'm leaning toward Jack & Dew
I was so high I started singing Let It Go and then instantly started laughing 'cause I was eating ice. Everyone just stared.
Just when I thought I was growing up, I go out and TOTALLY REDEEM MYSELF
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
Randomize
