Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
he said he "kind of had sex before.. Barely" i think it was one of those situations where you slide into home and get tagged out.
He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.
100% of annual heatstroke fatalities are preventable deaths! Don't let it happen to you! Also, you can catch crabs from almost anything! Be safe and have fun.
there was 12 of us, girls included, shirtless and wielding swords as we bet on rock paper scissors in the middle of the bar. It was like Cinco de Mayo version of the Deer Hunter
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
He SHOWED UP to the party wearing one shoe and a dinosaur hat. He kept lifting up his shirt and asking people to bite his nipple.
Medically YOU CAN'T BE AN ALCOHOLIC TILL 25!!!!! WE GET 3 BONUS YEARS!!!!
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
I had to run home with my hands covering my tits this morning. How does this keep happening?
You've never sent a girl a dick pic?
Call me old fashioned
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
Just got home, my brothers stoned and he got a high score on COD.. He just asked me if I wanted to have a celebrational yogurt with him. Wtf?
Randomize
