I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
is it bad that the economy has gotten so bad that finding cheap gas gives me the same excitement and joy as finding a hot, blonde haired, blue eyed, tall, athletic single straight guy?
It's hard for me to sext him when the picture i see on my phone when he texts me is his facebook default of him and his girlfriend.
I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby
your completely serious
It was like the perfect storm of bad decisions.
If you want to borrow my flask for all future interviews as a good luck charm because your last one went so well with it in your suit pocket, just let me know
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
I spent ten minutes questioning her on what kind of cup she wanted... Then I asked what kind of water she wanted..
WOAH TOO HIGH
It's like weed even makes my glasses better. Everything is so bright and clear and beautiful!
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
Stoned stonnnnnnned on the raaaaange
One day, I might be old and married wishing I could bang everyone... and that'll be a problem. So I feel in my heart it's something I need to do.
I couldn't find my contact solution so I thought mixing toothpaste and water would work
Randomize
