quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
I just realized that the music from spongebob is also used in real sex HBO.
I didnt shave my beard last night, so I could feel it while Im shrooming today
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
You asked him for a membership to him and his dick.
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
Also there's a home game tomorrow and I thought about holding up a sign that says, "I madeout with #64 during orientation week" would that be inappropriate??
Didn't want to waste the cheese dust from the white cheddar popcorn, so I gave him a handjob, followed by the most delicious blowjob ever. Win-win.
Not even official and he's cleaned my puke twice. His hotdog skills are an added bonus. I've got a keeper
I feel like I got hit by a truck. And I vaguely remember getting into an argument with a passive aggressive Ron Burgundy in a onesie- grown man, not a baby- about the pronunciation of New Orleans
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
He told me that he wants to fuck me only wearing a princess tiara...How could I possibly say no to that?
So chicken strips and confidence do not you make you sober.
dude. I can hear the air.
Randomize
