as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
He just asked me to come into his empty apartment after he called his parents to make sure they wouldn't come home while I was there. This is starting to look like a bad rape scene from one of those made-for-TV Lifetime movies.
apparently, it's not a good idea to make jokes about sending newborns through airport security xrays. the moms dont see the humor.
But why'd she put it on the conveyor then?
Just saw a guy from Kansas and a guy from Nebraska arguing over who had less of an accent. God Bless the Midwest.
Haha. We better find him. He looked like he came out of Switzerland's vagina, he's that much of a blonde beauty.
we talked for like an hour, i feel like we really bonded. i mean i was simultaneously giving him head but you get the point.
i cant text you anymore tonight, God gave me two hands for two cups
He poured the shots. We did them together. I cheersd him out of the shower
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
My goal is to go an entire semester without cocaine. That's an adult goal right?
Blah blah blah. Just come home and put a baby in me.
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
I had a dream last night that I used a condom when I had sex. That's how I knew it was a dream
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
Randomize
