Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
This guy just came in and told me how he bought a clock for his cat so his cat can know when he's coming home...
You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
i keep seeing random pieces of my outfit all around town.
She basically needs a man who will never act up and take all of her shit
I'm even having trouble finding a guy who's taller than me with no unibrow.. someone needs to tell her its time to lower her standards
Speaking of gay, some dude in a life vest just goes, we should pull our dicks out! To larry. Were leaving now. I saw penis
Bro my mom is in for two days and you can't even hold back on the drinking she said as she left i hope he doesn't always pee his pants and he is sure popular with the girls wtf
DON'T WEAR PANTS.
I REPEAT.
DO. NOT. WEAR. TROUSERS.
We have to do it Saturday and get a thirty. If i remember correctly it takes me 12 beers to become a wizard
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
Visions of polite missionary are dancing in my head right now kinda and it alarms me
So... How much of our rent is drug money?
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
Randomize
