how was the sex?
he smelled like pickles and burnt hair.
well, there's that.
Gordon Ramsey's restaurant in NY is $150 each for the chef's menu
So you're taking me there this weekend?
oh, looks like he just opened a new restaurant right by us- it's called "McDonald's". Must be scottish food.
he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
Just when I thought this night couldn't get any worse, my dad sang and dedicated Sexual Healing to me at kareoke night.
Define 'illegal'. Your idea of it and my idea are in separate universes.
can you go into shock from having too many orgasms? i think i went into shock.
I'be color coordinated the clothes in my closet and my underwear drawer. I'm like an advertisement for house arrest. Help.
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
I can't wait to see you again...not a euphemism, just really looking forward to seeing you. Wanting to fuck you as often as possible just seems implied at this point.
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.
Just made my first drink, took 2 sips feel like god
Randomize
