Im not sure if he just tripped or was star gazing, but i gave him head anyway.
I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
A female Wisconsin fan just headbutted the bouncer. Im deeply terrified and oddly aroused at the same time.
Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
i had a dream that i had so much marijuana that i didn't know what to do with it. i woke up and cried.
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
He did a line, told me my hair looked pretty against the background of the clouds, and then we fucked. Good afternoon
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
It's legal now for me to leave my boyfriend and marry you.
While I'm on hiatus from the Russian potato nectar, it is my wish for others to enjoy it in my stead.
My dog got laid yesterday. Some lady came over with her husky to breed. He did it like a champ. I was so proud
I'm a terrible person when I drink. I went from fine to not making any sense and yelling about cheese in like 30 seconds.
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
I have only been here for a week and might contributed to a dumpster fire on accident.
Randomize
