I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
You weren't lying about those ceramics students giving the best hand jobs.
Just because he saw my boobs doesn't mean he knows me all of a sudden
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
Now the circle is complete. Just interviewed a guy who was a higher up member of the team I worked for in my job before this place
I'm back in the dating scene now... Since the legality issue calmed down. And my stalking charges were dropped.
He said "you speak American pretty good for a Canadian" and it took everything in me to still fuck him. Dry spell ended btw
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
I'm pretty sure I asked his brother if he was gay while drunkenly falling to the ground.
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
Night one million where I have madri gra beads around my neck and no justifiable reason for where they came from
You tipped the Uber driver extra for taking your phone away while you were drunk texting
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
Randomize
