Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
After watching Cinemax for a few months, real porn just grosses me out.
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
Its 6 am and me and the girl in the next apartment have been taking turns puking and yelling "never agaaaain" thru the walls.
Just stepped off the plane in St. Louis. I'm breaking out in hives, I'm allergic to Midwesterners. Can't WAIT to get the fuck out of here.
Idk I've been drinking all day and they're having me blow shit up. Like dont let the drunk chick play with fire and explosives. Common sense 101. I will fuck something up
My boob is missing a layer of skin
Is it possible to break your brain with drugs?
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
My mom just said she had more presents to wrap, so I should "smoke some weed & go back to bed"... She really is Santa Claus
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
MY TITS JUST CAUSED A CAR ACCIDENT ON THE HIGHWAY! i kid you not!! i thinl the giy is actually dead
We did blind alcohol taste testing and she got 10 of 10. I'm in love.
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