I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
We should make a goal to do one active thing a day, even if its like throwing a ball
And by ball i mean playing catch. Beer pong does not count as an activity
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
We sent off fireworks off in the taco bell drive through. They're taking it way too seriously.
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
Never let him bartend when he's tripping. He sprinkled a ton of mexican shredded cheese over a jack and coke and called in a Monterey Jack Daniels.
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
We found out if you get Ben high but stay sober yourself he is an AWESOME cook. You need to get your ass down here, this goes against everything I know to be real.
Our entire day shift is on either molly or acid. I'm about to take two hits of the latter.
I would but he’s not speaking to me because I put ketchup in his socks.
Randomize
