I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
We did it in the bathroom in Taco Bell. We didn't buy anything before we left, which I thought was rude.
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
Did you send me a snapchat of your sister triple kissing two other girls?!!! You might be the greatest friend the world ever made
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
Oh great. I guess I'm second on that list now that we've confirmed she's not a lesbian AND that was her sister.
Are there edibles for sale in the Denver airport because if so bring those to my mouth
You could see the bone sticking out of his shin and he insisted he was "just gunna walk it off"
Is it inappropriate to match with someone on tinder just to ask if the friend in his profile picture is single?
He has great stamina, he knows how to use his tongue, and he's hung like a goddamn Pegasus. I can overlook the man bun.
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
I kept screaming that he looked like Khal Drogo and rode around the bar on his back.
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
What should I list for life skills
How about home wrecking? You’re excellent at that
Hmm...that is a life skill in Southern California
Randomize
