I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
Just cropdusted the office
i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
How long is it safe to eat only Hot Pockets and Popsicles?
It was odd. His friends dick tasted the same as his. Friends are beginning to have to much in common
He was pretty out of it. He heard crickets outside, and thought it was the laptop. So he put his ear to it, rubbed the keyboard, and said "tell me your secrets."
i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
In a cab. Towels everywhere. Confused.
if i got ashes i think they'd burn a hole into my head with the amount of sins i've committed this year alone and it's only february
Need. Hospital. Physically am floating.
I'm crying at a bar by myself drinking a pear martini drawing things dicks are scared of. How was your day?
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