I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
He's really hot. I think he's gonna be my reason to shave this winter.
Sorry about bonging beers with your mom but in all fairness you were late...
the bouncer watched the girl drop her ID, saw me pick it up and say OMG SHE LOOKS LIKE ME, and then let me use it to get into the bar
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
She had another shot and asked if I wanted to taste her tongue ring. Then I helped her pee.
While you were hooking up with her I pulled you off to make sure you knew what you were doing.
You said you were "testing the product for Chris."
I'm a bad man.
she said i was like a little lamb and she felt bad for luring me into her den of sin. then she blew me.
Being a virgin isn't supposed to be this easy for you.
After we drank 3, we built a raft out of the empties and installed the fourth submerged In the water to keep it cool. Keg boats are now a thing
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
I just found my lube on the ground next to my bed. I would pay money to find out what the fuck happened that night.
why is there a wheelchair in the hall and why does it look like we banged in it?
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
I woke up in a limo in long Island, Ny this morning. Talk about a black out
I would have wore underwear last night if I knew I had to change a tire this morning
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