sometimes i shoot so far i amaze even myself.
you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
Please do NOT set off the smoke alarm when I am tied to the bed like this...
He got me an interview at his law firm and his boss asked him what he had to say about me. His response "He dates CRAZY bitches."
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
It sounds like heaven mixed with world peace and orgasms. The acoustics in this car are awesome. Or it's the weed idk either way it's great
So I had sex in a bulldozer lastnight now that's definitely a first...
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
He started humming a moment like this when I was taking off his pants.
Wanna go get tea? Warning: I will be high in an hour.
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
What do you think would be the best way to remove a baby carrot from a vagina?
Randomize
