oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
yeah well we're currently on the phone and she's telling me about how much she misses me and all this shit and i muted myself and i'm watching porn.
I'm lost. Please come find me. I'm inside the I-270 circle somewhere. I can hear laughing.
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
Legitimate concern. Who am I going to have birthday sex with?
I hate when you actually try to sing and people think you're joking so you just go with it, but on the inside you're crying.
It's a "nonproductive" (vocab word) cough. It's like a constant tickle in my throat, like there's a little elf with feathers for feet going Gangnam style on my "uvula" (vocab word).
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
But you can't tell me I give the best blow jobs and then not break up with your girlfriend who has fucking TMJ! Come on!
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
I have alcoholic tendencies but you know what? College
you threw me on the ground pryed my purse out of my hands screaming " I JUST WANNA HOLD IT A LITTLE BIT". later i found you putting on my lip gloss.
yeah but really his dick tasted like soap. like i was blowing a bar of soap
He has the fingertips of a God
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