I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
Nope, Im Irish and pissed with some drunk mixed in...therefore punching things is the best solution to every problem.
Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
Yeah, that's not really a good thing. Especially for a girl. You should get a tattoo on your stomach that says "Please wear a condom".
It was an awkward 3some. I took her from behind while he just made out with her.
It's just a matter of time. The ball is in my court. Soon to be in her mouth.
The really sad thing is that I actually practiced crawling in my room yesterday in preparation for today
just got the results back. i love his dick even more now i know its clean
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
If you left your bike out in front, I just watched some dude steal it.
Randomize
