i just uploaded three hundred pictures and you had your shirt off in two hundred and ninety of them
the remaining ten - you weren't in
My 54 year old father just sent me a YouTube link on my school email titled "Walrus sucks his own dick" and then wrote in the email "I wish I were a walrus". What the fuck is wrong with my family?
Lindsay lohan: road to jail is on E tonight. Bring vodka we are not missing an opportunity to make a drinking game out of this
We pulled over so he could pee and the next thing I know he's running down the hill by himself with his pants down
good, we got high then went swimming. shelly forgot to keep swimming so we tied her to the ladder in the shallow part with her bikini top.
Sober Sundays just aren't working out anymore.
It's 1 AM and there's a guy outside my house belting out Bennie and The Jets. He stops in between verses to puke. I'm joining him.
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
What do you mean how did you end up there? You told him he had a face you'd like to ride, that's a deal sealer in any language.
Since when do you have sex with people you have feelings for?
Dude you don't understand. I genuinely felt his soul's penis in my soul's vagina.
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
I'm about to be a GTA V widow, he could at least throw me a bone. Literally.
MY TITS JUST CAUSED A CAR ACCIDENT ON THE HIGHWAY! i kid you not!! i thinl the giy is actually dead
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
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