He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
mowing the lawn. still drunk. If my dad doesn't appreciate this I swear I'm dissowning everyone including him
i've officially fucked a sailor, a policeman and a biker. I've never noticed my Village People fetish until now...
Should I tell him the real reason I was in the hospital, or should I just keep him thinking the side effect he thought was in for was allergy related, not I just miscarried the child I didn't know we were having?
It feels like I'm breathing out my heart and it spreads through my limbs to my fingertips.
oh wow I have been there. Hell one time Matt and I woke up naked with pizza rolls in the bed.
It's like god touched my soul and said 'you will be great in bed'
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
I just made out with Ricky Ullman of Phil of the Future fame and I don't know what I'm doing anymore. Help.
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
Last night must have been awesome because I went to get in the shower only to find the bat symbol drawn on my chest
That happened during battle shots lol
He thought I was gay. I had to explain I just really like wearing flannel.
I am rewearing my dress from last night. I only wore it for like two hours before fucking. And I took it off first so no cock contact. This is my new standard of cleanliness.
I woke up in a cornfield to shouting, a bottle of Jim Beam, and a bunch of mc muffins. If this doesn't scream Illinois, idk what does.
Not sure if I should ask if I can have my underwear back or just avoid that all together.
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