I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
you started crying because you didn't get to wear your rainboots this week so i turned on the shower and let you jump around in it
youre the best friend ever
God gave him joint rollers for hands
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
the fact that we had sex in the dining hall makes it seem so much more like home.
The orgasm outlasted the Charlie horse. Pros and cons.
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
That's why i need nudes. Plutonic nudes.
I should probably add her on Facebook for as much as I cheat off her in Physics, huh?
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
I just thought that if your brother was ever going to invite me over again, he probably shouldn't catch me fucking you in his bathroom.
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