I just heard an old guy ask the chick he was with if she wanted to try ass to mouth...
thanks for that.
there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
its like national bring your ginger to the pool day or something
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
She told me a motorboat isn't successful unless they come out gasping for air. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!!!
The people at subway are so judgy when you stop to get a sandwhich on your walk of shame
Tequila Tuesdays need to not carry on throughout the week. Having a sad Saturday
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
I went to an adult Halloween party last night dressed as Mrs. Doubtfire, but I woke up on a stranger's couch surrounded by sleeping children in karate gi's. And I accidentally flushed my granny wig mid-puke, so if they wake up I'm gonna have to convince them that I'm just a weird older man and not a terrible cross dresser.
How did you come to this point in your life?
Good bartenders.
good morning. i just did a walk of shame in front of his grandmother.
I got a gay guy to motorboat me. These tits could change the world, I'm telling you.
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