hipster in red sally jessy raphael glasses inside. kick her.
he chased her out of the bar yelling "TAKE MY VIRGINITY" and i havent seen her since
Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
Got so drunk in South Padre some guy put me on a suitcase trolly and pushed me to my room. I flashed my boobs as a tip.
His wife made me pancakes and let me borrow a clean shirt. Should I drop his class or use this to my advantage
Your dad just texted me? He said I needed to holler at him when I get up tomorrow. I honestly thought you had somehow gone to jail.
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
I will be there. invited or not. I go where the pancakes go.
You have ruined sex with him for me. Now all I think is "boy scout" and I want to go home
How many of my Tinder dates can my Christian roommate accidentally meet in the hallway at 3am before she's horrified and moves out?
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
Randomize
