Why must guys tell girls who are a little bigger that "they like a girl with meat on her bones?" Yeah needless to say he went home alone
Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
I just accidentally stumbled into an AA meeting...I think its a sign
I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog.
Woke up with a raging boner...good feeling abt this trial
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
I think its awesome that i just got you to cheer for sex
Well sex is awesome. Sex deserves cheers.
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
Can I fire a pigeon out of a t shirt gun?
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
I’m excited to finally meet my stalkee and his penis!
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