Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
am i morally bankrupt?
no. its just the recession
I mean I woke up wearing my bathing suit which blows my mind
do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
What's sign language for "you may not be the father?" Kinda important right now.
Seriously my only wish tonight is to be at the club in a sombrero w my shirt off pouring tequila on bitches titties
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
Im going in through the window and borrowing her dog. Dont worry ive done this before. we have an agreement.
This guy has a theme song for the joints he rolls
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
My kid made a secret wish that you have a baby... Make good choices today!
We watched Purple Rain and then proceeded to have sex while listening to the album. If that's not exactly how Prince would want people to honor him, I don't know what is
Don't put me in that position. I am not qualified to be the responsible adult here.
we had sex while we waited for the thai food... a which will come first type of situation
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