Funniest shit happened at the grocery store. This kid kept asking his mom for candy over and over and she told him 'daddy said no' and he screamed 'he isn't my dad' so loud everyone in the store was silent it was awesome.
Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
Also managed to rip my pants and set myself on fire. And oddly enough I'm still not ready to ask for 2010 back.
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
This is ridiculous. It's like playing possible STD Clue, and I don't want to be the winner.
I mean, I'm all about sharing, but when he tells me about his wet dreams about Oprah, I think it's taking it too far.
If I don't throw up the day I graduate i'll feel like the last 4 years and thousands of dollars spent on alcohol will have been wasted.
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
by the time the kitchen caught on fire everyone was too drunk to be alarmed. the host just poured beer on it to put it out. how was yours?
Is it bad that I'm tracking my period with Instagram pictures?
As long as you keep bringing fries home, i'll keep being naked when you get home
I have never paid for drugs and I'm sure not going to start today especially on a holiday
He called me saying he got nice rims for his car so now we can fuck in style
She rode me like a jockey on that tiny couch. Then we spooned.
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
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