you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
Yeah dude I should be out of the ER in about an hr. They gave me vallium. Go tell the captain its time to set sail.
Well besides you comparing him to your dead cat, I'd say it was fine.
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
Worst case: you're extra horny, have no control of your mouth or actions, and maybe murder someone. Child's play.
I thought the first time I got peed on it would be by a baby...
its 8 and I'm HUNGOVER!! how is that possible??
Well, he pretended he was climbing me like he was a monkey and I was a tree during sex.
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
she is currently in the shower drinking a beer and dancing to a song called "the penis song" my roommate is cooler than yours
I don't wanna SLEEP with him, I want to start bar fights with him. There's a difference.
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