found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
I convinced her san diego was a state. all the proof I needed was saying, why do they call it san diego state university?
You know the gilmore girls would be alright if it was on mute the whole time
we walked in to her beating him with a broom while he was trying to sweep ramen into a box. there were packing peanuts everywhere.
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
He called my boobs fluffy. Part sexy part pilsbury dough boy. Part sexy pilsbury dough boy. I'm so confused. And flattered?
11/10 would buy him a McLobster
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
Lady Gaga is doing the 1/2 time show. I hope it's gay and liberal as fuck.
It is NEVER not funny to me when I am sitting at a table and I've touched the dicks of every single person I'm sitting with.
I could hear it slapping against his thighs under the robe!!!!!!!!! You are a lucky girl!
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