I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
he refuses to go down on me anymore when he's high because he thinks my clit piercing stares at him
I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
i am doomed to only fuck guys with curved cocks
My date keeps hitting on your friend. Had no expectations, but not a real confidence booster.
he's doing fine. just headbutted the wall and threw up
this is worse than the time i threw up a condom.
I JUST HAD PHONE SEX. WHILE TAKING A BATH. FOR AN HOUR. EATING A PLATE OF BURRITOS. TOP THAT SHIT.
Your subconscious sucks. Mine is awesome. I have a recurring dream where I manage a chocolate factory run by big titted hookers.
A) you're a liar. B) that would be awesome.
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
Would an open wound count as good sex or bad sex?
Randomize
