my friend just told me "I dunno what u r doing but keep doing it cuz it makes u look fabulous"
LOL that's cool. Guess u r gonna have to keep doing me
i can't help myself.. i am just so in love with the kitchen manager.
...he was wearing JNCO shorts.. i'm pretty sure i saw the dragon.
just walked into the room and her sister said loudly, "do him, or I will."
I couldn't tell if those girls from the bar were lesbians or just awesome
I think you blew our chances when you yelled "YOU SLUTS COMING TO THE TITTIE BAR?" in their face
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
This escort grabbed my boyfriends ass and it became clear, he fucked pretty much anything he could find prior to dating me.
OH MY GOD MY GRANDMA JUST SHOWED ME HER BOOB OH. MY. GOD.
tequilla shots with my grandparents? christmas visiting just got so much better
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
you're good to come back. The bouncer pulled me aside and told me. He also said you have nothing to worry about and that you have an awesome "upper punch" or some shit
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
I'm so proud of us for not dying.
Okay, since we're going to be living together and I'm obviously better than you at everything, I have one single simple rule that I want you to follow: DO. NOT. FUCK WITH ME.
Randomize
