The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
Jake was my 1st thought but I seriously thought u already did him... & then there's the getting the clap story... so I settled on Ben for my guess.
I have done Jake, not Ben. But this was fresh meat. And P.S. it was ghonnerea.
Ahh, yes. It's apparently too early in the morning to keep your partners and their std's straight.
i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
He just found another high guy at wal-mart. There now friends. His friend is eating a cupcake
should i go to class, or party with a mariachi band?
meriachi band is very tempting, do they have dos equis?
Idk. Im in a bed. the walls are wood. There's a deer mount.. im afraid to turn over and see who's next to me but he's violently cuddly.
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
She's drunk as hell locked up I. The bathroom with my shoes where do I go from here
I didn't have the heart to tell him that the reason my vagina was so "prelubricated" was because I had just had another gentleman caller an hour earlier. So, when he commented about how turned on I appeared, I just went with it.
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
It's 2017. Get with the program. Also remind me never to get margaritas with you ever on Cinco de Mayo.
Look. All I'm saying is that if the USWNT can win a shit ton of medals and have two gay love stories with happy endings, there's still hope in this world
Randomize
