Can you send me a pic of you vag, I'm sexting the guy and he wants a pic but I didnt shave
dude are you serious?
I know you already have a pic on your phone
I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
I cant help but love a girl who informs me of the pregnancy test results by emailing me a YouTube clip of Barney Stinsons not a fathers day speech.
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
I woke up with a dick pic from the ex-Mormon via email. Not really what I wanted to see before my first cup of coffee this morning, but I gotta say, I'm impressed.
Is it okay to mention my ambition to become a supervillian and kill all humans on a first date, or is that a second date discussion?
I'm 22 and I'm drinking hawaiian punch from a sippy cup. Everything is right in the world.
I'm covered in bite marks and have a cracked rib - was a good weekend
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when I get back.
Just fell out of the attic onto the garage floor. Okay but might go for an x ray. Smashed one of the kitchen drawers to bits.
Holy Shit Mom
I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!
Randomize
