Omg I def was not. I wasn't that drunk. I showed that I stuff my bra but I didn't whip my tit out.
Penelope Cruz needs to learn American words.
I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
I really couldn't tell if she was disgusted with the fact that I yacked on her shoes, or if she was about to do the same to me.
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
We've gotten 3 pitchers already by trading for CUPCAKES
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
Oh ya, I forgot to tell you, last night I woke up to the sound of you peeing on the floor next to the fridge, didn't remember until now. Have fun at Dayton!
Let's just says his mouth writes a lot of checks that his penis just can't cash. Don't waste your time.
Hyyypothetically, what would you do if you happened to see my boobs on the internet?
They wouldn't let me on the bull because I couldn't even sign my own name... She let me try 3 times...
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
He's driving 2 hours to visit me and he's bringing weed. I love him so much.
ayo
its like you know when i get waxed
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