Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
Got 6 blowjobs in one weekend... new personal best.
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
He passes out, I smoke his kush. All's fair in love and a disappointing lack of sex.
She gives pretty bad head, but when it's in her dad's Lexus SUV it's tough to complain.
Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
Invite that kid who wants to become a priest. I WANT ON.
Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole
He says we're "annoying" but that's an odd word to describe a couple of heroic liquor saiyans
He's bringing a lesbian pretending to be his girlfriend to family Christmas. I can not wait to see how this goes.
I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks
My dog and I just went outside to pee together.
Randomize
