I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
sitting on my lesbian neighbors couch, sexting, & eating a burrito.. that single
I'm high and craving hash browns from McDonalds. Please pick me up. I also would like a hug and a supportive pat on the back when you get here. Thanks.
Its two in the afternoon. McDonalds don't sell hash browns at 2 in the afternoon. Whore. The hug I can provide however.
What can i say, i'm an artist. I think deep thoughts. In between the homoerotica and pterodactyl noises
Just saw a man downtown with a cat just riding on his shoulder like a furry parrot. He may be homeless, but I think he's your soul mate.
if i dont text back till morning its cause i turned my phone off and changed my password to something i wont remember to stop myself from drunk texting...RESPONSIBILITY
I swear every time I see him he's either dancing or trying to touch people
Ended up in his bed... He's passed out holding me and his bulldog is laying across my legs. Both snoring. HELP!! I wanna go home!
I'm hosting my annual valentine's day party tomorrow with every hookup I've ever had. thoughts on how it will turn out ??
I would go disguised as someone he didn't have premature ejaculative sex with but I don't know if I could stay in character.
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
all i remember is walking home without my pants on... when i woke up i was sleeping in between my parents in their bed, no more whiskey wednesdays
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