I heard we made out
i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
No, the real question is if you drink like I drink why WOULDN'T you wear a cape.
We were coming but I found wine on my way out the door.
Still dying that you shit outside
I guess I look like the kind of girl who would buy edible, weed-infused lube.
You meet the best people naked in a hot tub at 2 am.
fond memories of taking my pregnancy test here in this Burger King
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
He fucks strippers and doesn’t have a life plan. Of course I’m going to regret this
Randomize
