haha you were like: "I don't want to uh pressure you.." as you took your own shirt off
yeah my walk of shame consisted of driving on the wrong side of the road at 6am still drunk with cum drying in my hair and left eye.
I'm afraid that if I tell my sister I think Zachary Quinto is gay I'll have to put her on suicide watch for the next week or so
we just got in the car and birthday sex is playing
that is a sign the 3 of us should have a threesome
we agree. completely
Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
The following message is brought to you by IMSOFUCKINGSORRY. Dude I'm really sorry I got you arrested last night. You are allowed to choose a repayment plan from the following options: Money, weed, or a single kick to the balls any time within the next calender months. Repayment outside of the aforementioned options can be negotiated and considered within reason.
Do you have any idea how horrifying it is to hear your sister and her husband fucking then immediately go down stairs only to hear your parents fucking....... I wish I was Hellen Keller right now.
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
Twist to Josh's story, he had a gyro in his hand and never dropped it even after he got knocked the fuck out
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
My boyfriend told me that I said I wanted to "feast on her vagina"... Glad I don't remember.
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
Randomize
