We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
the sex was "jacking off to playboy" bad.
Ok. Also I almost just threw up. Seriously. I was think to myself "really? Here? Now? At my work desk?" and then it went away.
Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
It's never too late to be topless.
They kept trying to slap each other but they were poring beer onto their hands first referring to it as their baby powder
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
I think it would be reallllly cool if you took your best friend to work so she doesnt have to have an awkward cab ride with the driver she drunkenly made out with last night ...
My favorite thing about your netflix account "suggestions for you" section: Russias Toughest Prisons is followed immediately by Strange Sex
I could be busy drinking my face off and getting red white and bruised per usual
Well sure, my hetero side is thrilled, but my gay side is soooo judging
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
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