Banned from zoo.
Again?
Chicago was legit, ate some badass pizza and gave a cig to a crackhead..its all i thought it would be
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
Our kitchen sink faucet is leaking, so I set a pitcher under it to catch water for Kool-Aid tomorrow rather than turn on the faucet. The environment owes me.
there's another hole in my ceiling...someone fell through the attic this time....
He said he wouldn't use a condom because he didn't want to kill anymore trees.
how many ponies have to be on my pajama pants to convince him im gay?
i think we need a new approach.
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
i feel like spreading the word of drunken joy.
There's weed in my toothpaste. Explain.
Where the fuck are you? I just got punched in the nose by a tourist
next time you go get food at three am and leave a rando here can you warn me??? Also i tazed him. but it was just my little one so i think he'll be fine. bring me some fries.
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
I woke up in nothing but my socks and my hat a cigarette in my mouth and a beer in my hand..........GREAT NEW YEARS
Can I come over?
Sorry I gave up dick for lent. Hit me up on Good Friday tho
Randomize
