I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
I'm going to but the new Playboy with Chelsea Handler on the cover. I'm pretty sure it's the only time buying a Playboy will make me gayer...
As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
yes we did fuck in his chapter room. yes it was demeaning. and yes, they probably will discuss it at chapter tonight.
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
You kept hugging the big bouncer & feeling the other ones beard
i found him! he's on the front porch using a bag of potting soil as a pillow. i forgot i left him there.
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
I'd like to bring you 40 virgins and treasure chests of gold to make you feel better
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can stick your dick in the snow. Just a FYI
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