I just want you to know that me val and amanda are drinking on top of a hill lookig at the chicago skyline drinking icehouse and we just peed in public.
It's always a relief to be able to look at some one, and remind yourself that there IS some one who gets laid less then yourself.
I just saw a kid drop his lollipop on the floor of best buy, kick it because he was pissed off and then pick it up and eat it. I think I have a long lost son.
he told me he was a chubby chaser.. then winked. i'm signing up for a gym pass as we speak
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
This place smells like bottom shelf liquor and broken dreams
I'm about to fuck a girl in an old school Tony Kukoc Bulls jersey. About to earn my third championship ring in sex
let me drop the bass on your empty vagina syndrome
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
Can't believe we're making vacation plans with the guy we had a threesome with
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
Wearing panties to a party gives you a whole new perspective on life.
I had to break up with her. She was sending me study schedules and recipes for vegan lasagna. I’m just trying to survive man
Randomize
