So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
I'm currently imdbing Helena Bonham Carter to see if there are any pictures of her that don't scare the crap out of me.
Good luck with that.
Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
We removed her tutu and her cape, so there's no risk of her strangling herself.
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
Well on a lighter note, I had sex in a food truck.
Why is it that every study session with you turns into a hunt for drugs?
Since Josh is going to be Carl Sagan for Halloween, he bought a turtleneck and sportsman jacket. It's all my nerd fantasies come true.
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
leave me alone I'm becoming one with nature and doing plant things
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
My boobs are too perky to pay that much for a car
Randomize
