fighting downstairs. join me tonight to hear their makeup sex. also, let's make skittles vodka.
I love taking my adderall while im in class! As soon as I take the pill out everyone around me just stares in envy!
when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
Really uncomfortable with the level of eskimo brotherhood at this family reunion
Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.
WHY DO I KEEP FINDING CHICKEN THROUGHOUT THE HOUSE? GET YOUR ASS HOME NOW!
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
He just started dry humping the air... I'm done
Who knew she had talents apart from chugging wine spritzers
he was the first penis i touched… i have to go to his shitty bands first gig, i mean come on now
I don't know what else is in your wedding gift, but I just pulled out a pair of handcuffs in front of her grandmother.
Also a whip and a blindfold. Don't be a bitch, enjoy it!
I wish drug dealers had sales for the holidays
The expiration date on my 40 is the same day as my 21st birthday
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