you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
she said and I quote "NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!" and closed her legs.
Just seen a scantily clad pirate with 2 36 packs of natty ice on a bike riding with no hands. If she doesn't hit a speed bump she's golden and should be on the next Americas got talent.
It's ok. Rob's just shotgunning upside down.
My brother just woke up to see me on te couch dipping hamburger buns into pizza sauce. I'm beginning to question the life choices that led to this moment.
Whatever, consider condoms an eighteen year investment.
I could probably save all of the money I would have spent on condoms and put a kid through college.
It's always awkward in the office the day after your boss sends you a dick pic.
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
I HAD TO TAKE A SHOT OF JAGER AND SOME REDBULL JUST TO SEE IF IT’LL MAKE MY MOUTH FEEL BETTER
I vote we just hike, drink, and destroy dick
Russell is lonely. He needs a companion.
You're lucky you have a monster cock or most people may just laugh at your penis' nickname.
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
Did you pee in the oven last night??
It really hurts to walk. Any idea what happened to my hip?
Randomize
