u ever jackoff with ur legs spread and pretend ur fuckin urself as a girl and get mad u'll never know what that feels like. Or to fly like a bird?
Did u absorb a fraternal twin in the womb?
I walked into his living room and saw him watching the play-offs while eating tomato paste out of the can with a bottle of wine. I'm telling you to stop talking to him. now.
We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
i was drinking at the bar last night with a guy with no bottom teeth, wearing zubas and a polka dotted hat. if that isn't the definition of wisconsin, i dont know what is
We were talking about threesomes when she went to say who she would have as her third. She did not get to finish her sentence because her bf already said my name.My sheer presence destroys relationships.
There should be a rule. If your dick is under 6 inches, you are not allowed to dress as Thor.
How do I go about messaging a girl on a dating site whose little sister I've had a three some with...?
I couldn't think of the word "bath" so instead I told him I was marinating in soapy water
He sent me a pic stitch collage of all the tit pics I had sexted him this month. It was so sweet!
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
I think I'm gunna glue a sign to my head that says "WAKE ME UP BEFORE 7!" And go to sleep and hope a kind passer by wakes me up for my exam .
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
You win. I am a lesbian who maybe slightly jaded. I didn't mean to throw the knife at you head.
My apartment stinks of burning failure
Randomize
